Inbox for sticksandbones

[lupusxylem]

I will not make this look pretty later, don't believe me it's all a lie

====

INVENTORY:

-The Punisher: Wolfwood's cross gun, normally covered in wrappings.
INFO from the mods on use so I don't forget: The cross-gun will be able to fire regular bullets (regains of these can be handwaved; silvered bullets can be purchased in the bonus AC store) just fine, without any special nerfs. The laser feature will be usable a max of 3 times a month.

-4 Vials of his Drugs(tm)
Info from the mods on use so I don't forget: Wolfwood can start with up to 5 vials of his Lab Drugs. More of these can be regained for the price of a Small Item (a maximum of 5 at once), but they will not work on other player characters for obvious reasons. Their healing ability will also be slightly nerfed to not heal anything instantaneously, but rather over a few minutes.
3/7: All Vials have been used. Will need to purchase replacements if he wants to use them again.
???: Forgot to put the date here but he's purchased more Vials, one has been used to he has 4 currently.

-A lighter

-A carton of cigarettes, more can be purchased/handwaved

-A winter coat that Heimr bullied him into purchasing

-A matching pair of boots for the coat

-A little knit wolf with sunglasses from Elsword.

-A blanket from Livio.

-A handgun with a wolf engraved on the handle.

-A black husky named Angelina

-A belt pouch to carry his regeneration vials with a cross emblazoned into the leather.

-Authentic rosary beads, with beads made from black glass and a heavy, silver cross pendant

-A black leather choker with a silver cross pendant, similar to the rosary

-A whole church(tm)

-A wool knit cat plushie from Pure Vanilla

-3 tomas chicks that currently live in Kiera's barn

-3 londonites

-Wolf skull shaped cufflinks

-A dagger for his "birthday" from Gnosis

Comments

[oleaeuropaea]

[There is, perhaps, a god, or at least some specter of mercy. There has to be, since Wolfwood can't see the way he winces at the sound of his voice. With little distance separating them, what will be obvious is the way his shoulders droop. Even if some part of him had been hoping to be noticed, now that it's happening he's at a loss as to what to do.

Swallowing, Vash turns around and gives an awkward little wave. The other arm rolls in a quick shrug, before both hands fall far enough to be shoved into pockets.]

Was I circling you? I had no idea! [His laugh is frayed at the edges and tangled with nerves. Honestly, I was just about to head back inside. It's cold out, you know!

[Despite what he says, Vash doesn't move.]

[lupusxylem]

Yeah. So why are you out here, then?

[If it's so cold. Wolfwood has a "reason". Well, reason enough. Taking the Punisher indoors is doable but annoying, and being outside gives him more room to wrap it back up anyway. Also, he'd rather smoke out here than in his bedroom simply because it's easier. So, that's his excuse.

What's Vash's?]

[oleaeuropaea]

I just needed a little air. [Another shrug, albeit more subdued. His back remains turned to Wolfwood, but that doesn't keep Vash fom staring at his feet all the same. Even speaking makes him feel ashamed. He was getting too close.]

Anyway, my room was occupied. Wasn't about to be a bother.

[lupusxylem]

[There's a pause as Wolfwood takes a long drag. He's completely sober now, just the last dregs of exhaustion in him from how intense everything was. If nothing else, he just wishes he could have experienced a more mellow version of that high. Seems like he needs it, considering.]

I left a couple hours ago. You could've gone back whenever.

[He taps ash off the end of the cigarette, glancing back at Vash now. Wolfwood is once again wearing his shades even in the rapidly approaching evening, meaning that Vash is harder to make out in the distance, even with the bright snow illuminating his position.]

You didn't have to bring me to your room anyway.

[oleaeuropaea]

[Something sharp rising up in Vash's throat. A not insignificant part of him wants to shout back at Wolfwood, that the least he could do is say thank you for Vash's efforts. He has to bite it back, teeth gnashing together and fingers balling into fists.

What ultimately ends up coming out is nothing more than a weary sigh. He glances over his shoulder, catching sight of Wolfwood just out of the corner of his eye.]

I was just trying to help. I won't anymore.

[It's a lie, even if he wants it to be true. He shouldn't help out, because each vulnerable moment puts both of their lives on the line. But trying to not help was like telling him not to breathe. It couldn't be done.]

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood let's those words roll over him, knowing in his heart they aren't true. Vash the Stampede will never stop helping people, even if they spit in his face and decry him as the devil incarnate. He will do whatever it takes for every soul on this planet, be they completely innocent or an irredeemable monster. That's the depths he would go to for humanity.

And that's only a fraction of why Wolfwood feels this pit of searing guilt in his gut, yet time and again his only way he knows to handle things is to push people away. It's easier to do that than to be emotionally vulnerable, because once you've opened that door...it's not so easy to close.

He could slam it shut and throw away the key, right here and now. Vash is giving him a very clear out. If he so chose, right now, he could free himself of Vash and not have to deal with any of this anymore.]

I killed you.

[The door opens.]

[oleaeuropaea]

[The door opens, and Vash whirls around to face it. There's incredulity on his face, lips parted and brows knitted so tightly together that it makes his head ache. He takes a single step closer before sense grips him once more, reminding him of what he'd only just committed to. He isn't supposed to reach out. He isn't supposed to accept the olive branch.

Wolfwood's offer draws him forward, enticing without meaning to be. And Vash falls right into his trap. It's almost easier than his mission had been back home.]

What do you mean?

[Surely he means the dream, but Vash can't help but wonder if there's something more. A vision of the shared past he'd only just begun to unravel in this world, perhaps? Or something else entirely?]

Wolfwood, what happened?

[lupusxylem]

[He doesn't answer right away. Even just saying that much feels like he's potentially making a mistake. It really all was just a drug fueled dream...

Right?

But he knows that's not true, not when it's reflecting what's deep down within. There's a reason he went back for Vash time and again, to fight alongside him and save his hide more than once, and he knows it wasn't just for Knives.

He takes another slow drag, exhaling it up towards the sky. The stars are slowly beginning to blink into existence overhead as the sun dips lower and lower past the trees.]

I'm an Undertaker. [He finally supplies, resting his arm over his knee again. He's looking more at the trampled snow than he is Vash.] It's my job to take out the trash. Deserters. Betrayers.

[Wolfwood cants his head to one side.]

I put a bullet right through your head. And you didn't do anything.

[oleaeuropaea]

[Vash still isn't sure if it's a dream or reality that Wolfwood speaks about. When he thinks about it, though, he knows it doesn't matter. The answer he gives would always be the same, no matter what the circumstances were. Giving was what Vash did best, and what kinder gesture could there be than to give his life?

That only proves to be more true when he thinks about the situation Wolfwood was in. He doesn't have to think too hard about what pushed Wolfwood to continue. it was the same reason he'd been so desperate on the Sand Steamer. There was some sort of arrangement between the Punisher, his masters, and Hopeland itself.

The lives of children. The wellbeing of someone who could very well be Vash's friend. There was no real choice to be made.

He ventures closer, coming to at stop not quite beside Wolfwood, but close enough.]

I wouldn't. If it came down to it.

[lupusxylem]

I know you wouldn't.

[Because that's just who he is. And now, well...

Wolfwood sits forward, having to restrain himself from leaning back physically against the tree he's sitting beside. The last thing he wants now is unwanted visions from a world he doesn't belong to, not when he's still caught up in thoughts like these.]

...the last thing I remember before waking up here is fighting in that engine room to pull the breaks. Then, when the ship stopped, we went to find you. You were down in the ship's core, in the Plant room.

[...]

I don't know what Knives wants with you. Just that he wants you hand delivered in one piece. You've got so many people wanting to kill your ass that he had to make sure you didn't die before you got to him. So. Maybe a dream like that can't be real.

...but I don't really know.

[oleaeuropaea]

You saw all that, huh? [After making contact with the plant, things had become blurry. Their minds had all but fused, and he'd been lost in the flow of emotion and action that followed. Had it been him that caused a sandstorm to sweep inward, or something else? The flow of information said it had been beyond him, but...

He shakes his head, just a little.]

Guess you know my secret then. Our secret. [As Wolfwood had suspected, Knives was no exception to their lineage.] Which means you're right, something like that won't come to pass. Knives wants me alive. He wants his brother back.

[He wants to say Wolfwood has nothing to worry about. He doubts a promise like that would go over well. Not with him.]

[lupusxylem]

Yeah. I know.

[Or, at least he thinks he does. It's still a bit beyond his pay grade, but then again...Nicholas D. Wolfwood is a product of the Eye of Michael, just like many others that have been placed in Vash's way. He's more connected with all of this than he ever wanted to be, so at this point he does feel like he's owed a bit of an explanation. But he doesn't need all the details to put two-and-two together. Vash and Knives aren't human, and their feud is putting the entire world's fate at stake.

Wolfwood huffs, finally tossing his spent cigarette into the snow. It hisses audibly before going out, snuffed by the ice.]

Are you so sure? I may as well be killing you myself.

[Knives...isn't interested in a family reunion, Wolfwood doubts. Once Vash goes into that lion den, he doubts he'll ever come back out.

Wolfwood keeps telling himself he doesn't care, he doesn't care, this isn't his fight, what he's doing is for Hopeland, but...

He cares. He cares so fucking much that it hurts.]

[oleaeuropaea]

It's what I want.

[Not to die, not by any stretch. Staying alive and enjoying a future with his brother is all that he wants. He knows it's impossible, that anyone he met would tell him as much. But he longs for those halcuon days spent beneath a false sun. He wants to hold his brother's hand within his again and be okay.

He can't have that if he doesn't try. And he can't try unless he plays right into Knives' hands. It's a risk, one that will either kill Vash or change him irrevocably. But he can't have peace unless he throws himself into this effort.

His hands coil within his pockets, pulling at stray threads and balling at the fabric of his pants through the barrier there. He feels restless the longer this conversation goes on.]

At least this way, when we get back I won't be in your hair for long. I won't even make it that hard on you. Probably.

[lupusxylem]

[It's what he wants, huh?

Wolfwood would be pulling out another cigarette if he had one, but turns out he's fresh out. He doesn't have a vice to hide behind as this conversation becomes less about clearing the air, and more about opening up something raw and vulnerable that he isn't sure he really knows how to deal with. Because all he knows is that every time he looks at Vash right now, he just sees him standing there with half his skull blasted away. A sight he's seen time and again, but on Vash? Someone who feels- to him- unkillable.

He grits his teeth, his breath catching as he looks away.]

So what about the people who've made the mistake of caring about you, then? The girl, the alcoholic. All of the people whose fucking lives you've saved.

[Him. Wolfwood, included in that number though he can't possibly say it.]

Do you think that's what they want?

[oleaeuropaea]

[It's hard to fathom that Wolfwood would ask that question without having a more pointed reason for doing so. Vash didn't think he hated Roberto or Meryl, but he couldn't imagine the Punisher sticking his neck out for their emotional wellbeing. No, this question feels much more personal. Which means things are just as he feared.

They're standing on a dangerous precipice here, toes brushing up against the edge of something sure to be fatal. He knows what he wants to say, but he can't bring himself to open his mouth. He knows what will happen. And even if Vash wanted to keep the man at an arm's length, he couldn't quite bring himself to shove him away in such a callous way.

Instead, he moves that much closer to the edge, so that his boots dangle over the void below.]

Like you, Wolfwood? Is that what you're getting at?

[lupusxylem]

[Vash...is perceptive, unfortunately. He may seem goofy and ridiculous, but his intuition is sharp and his assumption is spot on. No, Wolfwood does not hate Roberto or Meryl, but he likewise has no reason whatsoever to try pulling Vash back for their sake. As far as Wolfwood knows, they're still just following him around to get that big scoop they want.

So when Vash asks him that so directly, it feels like he's been punched in the chest. He air leaves his lungs in a harsh click of his tongue, and still he can't look over because he knows Vash is probably looking on at him now like a kicked puppy.

Vash would do well to remember what Wolfwood has been saying today. Not just now, but when he was drugged earlier. About how he didn't deserve kindness, or forgiveness for what he'd done. That he didn't deserve Vash. And when he woke from that nightmare, it was with tears in his eyes.

Wolfwood honestly isn't as subtle as he thinks he is. And now he's been backed into a corner, with nowhere to go and nothing else he could possibly say. Because as much as every fiber of his being wants to self destruct and ruin everything, he's not high anymore. He's sober, he's present, and Vash is asking him a question.

The snow shifts underneath his feet. He pulls his legs a little closer to himself, and for the first time in a long time, he feels like a little kid again back at the Orphanage being scolded for speaking out of turn. He turns his head away even more, mumbling more into his knees than speaking to Vash aloud.]

Guess shit can get through that thick skull of yours.

[oleaeuropaea]

Sometimes.

[It feels wrong to be having this conversation at this angle. It's the last thing he wants to do, but if he's going to let Wolfwood down, he at least wants to be as gentle as possible about it. That means being on his level, so he isn't it doesn't feel like he's talking down to the other man.

He folds himself up, sitting even with the Punisher, albeit facing the other way. He's still close enough, and angled just right that he can see Wolfwood's face, and vice versa. It's a little more intimate, and thus will be all the more vulnerable. He doesn't want to see what comes next, but he's almost certain this will make it easier to swallow.

Not that he starts speaking. He bunches some of the snow within his palm, creating a ball that he tosses up, then lets fall back to the ground.]

It's sweet. Really. But you don't need to go putting all of that energy into caring about me. You've seen what happens to folks that get close to me. Towns get destroyed. Families get ripped apart. And if they're real unlucky, I break every promise I ever make to 'em.

[lupusxylem]

[Well. Here Vash is, in his space, and for some reason Wolfwood doesn't have the good sense to move away before this gets out of hand. And as Vash sits there, what he tells him is...basically exactly what he thought he'd say. Don't care about me. Don't get close to me. He's a bad omen, an unlucky charm, a harbinger of destruction.

And if Wolfwood weren't completely spent by the day, he'd probably punch him in his stupid mouth.

Instead, he laughs. It's a low, hollow, slightly damp sound.]

...s'a little too late for that. Don'tcha think.

[oleaeuropaea]

It's not.

[It'll never be too late, so long as Vash breathes. So long as Wolfwood still breathes. He can make the right choice at any moment and walk away. In fact, Vash wants to beg him to do just that. He's lost so many people he's ever come close to caring about. He can't swallow the idea of it happening to Wolfwood as well.]

You can get up right now, Wolfwood. You can walk away, and tell me to never talk to you again. And I'd listen, too. Because — [He shakes his head, practically whipping it back and forth.] Good things don't happen where the Humanoid Typhoon is concerned.

[This time, it's Vash's turn to pull his knees up to his chest. He presses his cheek to a kneecap, hard enough that it makes him ache.]

Please. I don't want to hurt you.

[It isn't so abstract as Wolfwood might think. He isn't just referring to some vague inevitability. If he doesn't listen, Vash will have no choice to take matters into his own hands. And that would hurt them both far worse.]

[lupusxylem]

[So it's up to Wolfwood to make that choice. The onus is on him, because anyone with eyes could see that if Vash believed a word that came out of his own mouth, he'd have isolated himself from everyone in this damn village already for their own safety. And for a moment, Wolfwood bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying something incendiary and unhelpful. It isn't until he starts to taste copper that he has to stop, his shoulders hunching as he lets out another heavy breath. The snow is falling steadily around them as they sit together in the snow, a light dusting having already covered both Wolfwood's hair and stupid new jacket.

He actually turns his head to look at Vash now, his eyes glittering with frustration.]

Look at where we are, Vash.

[Not blondie. Not needle-noggin.]

This ain't No Man's Land. The desert ain't here. The Eye ain't here. [Oops that slipped but he's not stopping] Knives ain't here.

And wherever this place is on the god damn map, you aren't the Humanoid Typhoon to it or the people here. Neither of us probably fucking matter compared to whatever god has this town under its thumb.

You're...just Vash. You're fucking Vash.

[oleaeuropaea]

It doesn't matter where I am, Wolfwood! [There's a wavering note in his voice, one steeped in grief. He's never dealt with his problems as he should have. Instead of confronting the trauma he'd suffered, he'd run from it just as he had everything else.] The second we got here, I got you hurt. We both could have died out there, and it's because I -

[He tears off, turning his face so that it's now his forehead pressed against his knees. His fingers clench hard against the fabric near his calves, tight enough that he worries he might tear through. That would just be his luck.]

I'm Vash the Stampede. And it doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with - people get hurt.

[Finally, his head lifts, and this time he fixes Wolfwood with a desperate gaze. His eyes shimmer with tears he won't ever let himself shed, tears that are promptly blinked away before they come to fruition.]

So please, don't make me do this. Please.

[His voice cracks at the end.]

[lupusxylem]

Yeah, because you want me to do it. Right?

[Then he grabs Vash by the shoulder, gripping him hard because he's realizing he can't just sit here anymore and do nothing.]

Right!?

[His breaths come heavy between them, filling the air with cold steam instead of the usual smoke they're used to. It's basically nighttime now, but with how heavy the snow is on the ground, the darkness doesn't really detract from their conversation at all. Wolfwood can, unfortunately, see Vash's tears. He can see the grief etched into his features.

Yet, his hand still fists the material of his jacket as his voice raises an octave.]

You want me to walk away, because you can't stand the idea of doing it yourself. Cause even if I cut you off like a tumor, if something happened to me? Out there?? [He lets Vash go, throwing his hand out towards the woods.] You'd still come after me, and you know you would. Because you can't do anything else.

[Vash was the one who sat with him through that bad trip. He carried him to his own bed, and let him stay there even when Wolfwood effectively kicked him out.]

And you're....a god damn idiot, if you think I'm going to let you push me to do something you don't have the balls to. Because if I wanted to leave? I would have. I WOULD have left into those woods and you would have never fucking seen me again.

[They're lucky they're alone out here, because Wolfwood's voice is booming in the silent air. Only once he's said his peace does it lower, his brows knitted tight.]

If you want to push me away, you're going to have to do it yourself.

["I'm not breaking up with you you're breaking up with me-"]

[oleaeuropaea]

[Wolfwood pulls him in, and Vash does his best to reel away. He can't get far with the fist balled against his shoulder, but he can at least angle his face away. He knows he's already been caught, that Wolfwood has seen the agony etched into his face. But at least if he keeps his cocked to the side, as long as he glares daggers into a tree, it'll be okay.]

Please -

[He doesn't know how to make him understand. It might not look it, but Wolfwood has a future. He has love in his heart, even if he buries it. He has compassion for other people, even if coated it with barbed insults. He's a good man that will never see his potential.

He tries to back away, but his feet only slide in the snow. His body not strong enough to wrench free of that grip, not at this angle. And so with no other choice, the last bits of his facade crack. His face crumbles, and this time one stray tear makes it down his cheek before he can catch it. He bows his head before Wolfwood can see anymore.

When he speaks, his voice is barely more than a whisper. It's almost impossible to hear over the wind and falling snow.]

I don't want to watch you die, Nick.

[lupusxylem]

[It's truly something that they aren't going to see eye-to-eye on, clearly. Vash seems convinced that Wolfwood is going to die if he stays anywhere near him, be it by his own hand or by proxy, despite knowing good and well that he chose to go into those woods just as much as Vash chose to come with him. If anything, Vash's presence there was coincidental, at best. Wolfwood could also just as easily choke on breakfast or drown in the river, and it wouldn't be Vash's doing.

Vash is crying now, even if he's trying to hide his face, and that is at least enough to get Wolfwood to back off slightly. He's not leaving, god no, but he's also not right up in Vash's face like he was a few seconds prior. He's panting like a racehorse though, the wind whipping his hair back from his face as he glares back at Vash, because it's so frustrating.

So fucking frustrating.]

My answer is no. I don't care what you say.

[It makes him wonder. Can Vash make that choice for him.

Is that what he really wants?]

I'm not. Going. Anywhere.

1/2

[oleaeuropaea]

[Guilt pounds through Vash with every beat of his heart. He's seen Wolfwood lose his composure so little that it feels wrong to witness it now. It's made all the worse by the fact that he knows he's caused this. It's what he means by the damage that follows in his wake, and no he doesn't stop to consider the irony of it all.

He has to do this, though. If he really cares for Wolfwood, if he's ever meant any of his promises to protect people, then he has to sever this connection before it goes too far.

Gradually, his head angles back toward Wolfwood. He meet's the mans eyes, hoping that his face doesn't show any of the conflict still rattling through his head. He sets his brow, presses his mouth into a thin line, and does his best to blink away the tears.

It'll be over soon. He'll make it quick.]