Inbox for sticksandbones

[lupusxylem]

I will not make this look pretty later, don't believe me it's all a lie

====

INVENTORY:

-The Punisher: Wolfwood's cross gun, normally covered in wrappings.
INFO from the mods on use so I don't forget: The cross-gun will be able to fire regular bullets (regains of these can be handwaved; silvered bullets can be purchased in the bonus AC store) just fine, without any special nerfs. The laser feature will be usable a max of 3 times a month.

-4 Vials of his Drugs(tm)
Info from the mods on use so I don't forget: Wolfwood can start with up to 5 vials of his Lab Drugs. More of these can be regained for the price of a Small Item (a maximum of 5 at once), but they will not work on other player characters for obvious reasons. Their healing ability will also be slightly nerfed to not heal anything instantaneously, but rather over a few minutes.
3/7: All Vials have been used. Will need to purchase replacements if he wants to use them again.
???: Forgot to put the date here but he's purchased more Vials, one has been used to he has 4 currently.

-A lighter

-A carton of cigarettes, more can be purchased/handwaved

-A winter coat that Heimr bullied him into purchasing

-A matching pair of boots for the coat

-A little knit wolf with sunglasses from Elsword.

-A blanket from Livio.

-A handgun with a wolf engraved on the handle.

-A black husky named Angelina

-A belt pouch to carry his regeneration vials with a cross emblazoned into the leather.

-Authentic rosary beads, with beads made from black glass and a heavy, silver cross pendant

-A black leather choker with a silver cross pendant, similar to the rosary

-A whole church(tm)

-A wool knit cat plushie from Pure Vanilla

-3 tomas chicks that currently live in Kiera's barn

-3 londonites

-Wolf skull shaped cufflinks

-A dagger for his "birthday" from Gnosis

Comments

[lupusxylem]

[God Ain you got so lucky-

Wolfwood rolls his eyes, but it's clearly good natured compared to how it could have been at another time.]

Wouldn't you like t'know.

[eidxiety]

I would. [but first, Ain smiles and stands up, stretching his arms over his head. If his shirt rides up a little shhh.] But why don't we save it for another time, hm? I'm not in those shorts I promised I'd be in. Give me until then, liebchen.

[Walks away with a little wave, and if he's swaying his hips a little as he walks, no he's not.]

[lupusxylem]

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]

Shortly Before Beach Time Ends

[oleaeuropaea]

[It's probably been a solid handful of days since Vash left the grove. In that time, he's lost a wing, uncorrupted himself a little, and made at least two whole bug friends. Arguably, he's been having a okay time. If not for the fact that he and his boyfriend have been fighting and Vash has been dealing with the reality of having killed millions.

Yay! Yippee!

It's probably late enough in the evening that Wolfwood might reasonably be back at the cabana by now. Assuming he's still staying there. Vash... really hopes he is, because he doesn't exactly want to go wandering around looking for the guy.

Despite the fact that the cabana is "his," Vash still knocks on the door. And while he waits, he begins to fret with his torn up, half burnt shirt. He really needs a bath and a change of clothes. This is just sad...]

[lupusxylem]

[Despite everything, Wolfwood is still staying here. Granted, he wasn't for a little bit...but that didn't translate into him just leaving either. He went onto the beach and got some of his anger out with Zazie (it just made him feel worse, lbr) and then he spent a couple hours laying in the sand until Livio eventually carried him back. He's kindof just...been there since, for the most part, as the whole appeal of the beach really lost its luster after that fight. Now he just doesn't want to be here. He wants to go back to the Grove, at the very least.

So he's here. He's giving Angelina scritches because she's looking up at him between his legs and trying to cheer him up, licking his hands and just generally being sweet. At least until that knock to the door comes and she fucking bolts, paws scrabbling on the floor as she BARK BARK BARKs excitedly, jumping up on the door like !!!

Wolfwood doesn't immediately get up, mostly because if it were Livio, he probably would have just come in without feeling the need to tentatively knock. And because that isn't what happens...he knows who it must be.

And he dreads opening that door. He hates that he does, but he fucking does. He doesn't want to.

...

A full minute passes before the sound of Wolfwood's metal leg thunking against the floor signals his approach, a slow shuffle all the way there before he opens it inward. And he sees Vash there, dirty, and burnt, and of course injured again. And he says nothing- mainly he can't, because Angelina is going fucking ballistic, jumping at Vash and whining because she hasn't seen him for days.]

[oleaeuropaea]

[The delay almost makes Vash worry that Wolfwood has moved off elsewhere. Just as his gaze starts to wander though, he hears those footsteps approaching. Not that it gives him any form of relief. Abruptly, he wants more time. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say but -

Well. Here he is. And there Wolfwood is and - oh god, hi, Angelina. As much as he might have wanted to have something of an emotional reunion with the man, the not-so-little pup will not wait. He kneels down, giving her all the pets she could possibly want. She's also allowed to clamber up and lick his face as much as she wants. He gives her a solid two minutes of whatever attention she could possibly want, before finally coaxing her down.

It's only then that he straightens up and... forces himself to look Wolfwood in the eyes. Or he tries, at least. He can't do anything if Nick isn't going to let him.]

Can I come in?

[lupusxylem]

[Bless Angelina, this is the best and worst time for this. It gives the two of them time to ruminate on what they might want to say, but that doesn't detract from the awkward tension in the air between them. Wolfwood doesn't know what to expect, because he doesn't know what Vash has been doing, or who he's been talking to (save for maybe Gnosis), or...anything like that. He's had a couple days at least to cool off, but even then.

He's quiet, silent as the grave as Angelina gets her pets and manages to calm down, her tail wagging a mile a minute as she steps back into the cabana along with both of them. Fathers :)

Wolfwood...at least does meet Vash's gaze in return, and for the briefest of moments, he'll see genuine surprise. Vash's eyes...they're normal. They're normal, and he feels his breath catch painfully in his chest over it. Because any other time, he'd ask, he'd immediately be jumping at figuring out what exactly happened to fix him, but...well.

Not right now. The muscles in his face relax a little, even as his jaw tightens as he takes a step back to allow Vash in.]

Sure.

[oleaeuropaea]

[At first, Vash doesn't quite understand what Wolfwood is seeing. By now, he's at least looked in the mirror long enough to know that his eyes are back to normal, but he doesn't really expect Wolfwood to have noticed it. It's only after a brief second of staring before he figures it out.

Right. He tucks that away for now. There's a lot to cover, his newest changes being one of them.

For now, he finds his way to the dining table. He tries not to think about how they'd only just enjoyed breakfast and talked about crushes a few days prior. Everything feels different now.

He sits down, and when that isn't enough, he pulls his knees up to his chest. He rests his cheek against them, angling his head away for just a moment before sense takes him again. At least he has the decency to meet Wolfwood's eyes for this.]

I'm sorry I left without... giving you a chance to say anything.

[lupusxylem]

[Angelina, now content with both Vash and Wolfwood here, goes to the corner of the Cabana to curl up and chew on a piece of driftwood or bone or whatever thing she's found to occupy herself while Vash moves up to sit at the table. And Wolfwood...

If this were a different world, he would stay standing. He'd lean against the wall some distance away because that's the way he does things. But he can't do that, now. He can't just stand forever, and thus he pulls up a chair and sits in it heavily, legs spread in direct opposition to Vash's tight curl.

...he isn't expecting the apology that comes. It's honestly as surprising as Vash's physical differences since they last spoke. It throws him so much, actually, that he doesn't answer for a moment, his fingers worrying the fabric of his pants over his knees.]

...not sure there was much else I could, at that point.

[Vash had heard enough, he thinks.]

[oleaeuropaea]

[They've both changed so much. Wolfwood's been laid low by the Forest, and Vash has been changed by it. And yet, despite everything that was different, nothing back home had changed. It's a thought that threatens to dizzy Vash, and one that makes his feet ache with the urge to run, run, run away all over again.

He can't do that. He won't do that.]

You at least deserved that courtesy. And to know where I was going to be. Just... [Vash laughs without humor.] I didn't know where I was going. And I didn't know what was going on in my head. I was so angry and scared.

[His head drops once more, staring hard at the floor. Now is the hard part. Apologizing for this much was easy, but they have to address the complicated feelings running through both of their heads.]

In the end, running didn't help with that. I'm still angry. I'm still scared.

[lupusxylem]

Yeah. I figured as much.

[That Vash ran because he was scared. Angry. It's what he deduced when Mizuki asked what he thought the reason always was...and to hear that he's still angry, and scared, is even less surprising. Of course he would be. He just learned that JuLai, in their immediate future, is gone. All of the people who lived there are now dead, and Vash has to live somehow with the knowledge that he was the direct cause.

So. Now they're at an impasse, staring at one another across the table, and Wolfwood is wishing he had a cigarette.]

So. What are you gonna do about it?

[oleaeuropaea]

Well. I'd like to talk about it. If you're up for it.

[Because that's the big question. Vash might be willing to talk, but that doesn't mean Wolfwood is. He won't assume as much. Vash knows that even if he's been harmed, he's done harm in kind. Wolfwood is well within his rights to walk away.]

And if you're up for it, the first question I'd ask is... [He takes a deep breath. He's doing his best to steady himself. He doesn't want to come off as aggressive or accusatory, but he still needs to know.] I asked you for the truth and you still didn't give me all of it.

Why?

[lupusxylem]

Well, I opened the door, didn't I?

[If he hadn't, that would have been his answer. No, I don't want to talk, I don't want to see you right now. End of.

So, they're going to talk. He wouldn't call himself completely ready, but he isn't going to be able to take many more days of avoidance either, especially not when they're putting Livio in dire straits over it at the same time. He wants to get this out into the open, if not for himself, but for Livio's sake.

And Vash starts with......that.

Wolfwood's gaze narrows, just slightly.]

What do you mean, "all of it".

[oleaeuropaea]

I guess.

[He doesn't like how this is starting already. He doesn't like how Wolfwood narrows his eyes. Vash tenses, expecting him to snap, but it doesn't come. It's a good sign by itself, but Vash is still uneasy with it all. He glances down at his hands and fidgets.]

That it wasn't just a fight. That there was a massive burst of energy. That there was no way anyone could have survived.

[Zazie had implied that Wolfwood knew this. But he also knows it could be one of their games. Unfortunately, given that they've only supplied him with the truth and offered to help him, he's weighing their side with a little more favor right about now. Sorry, Nick.]

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood is already on edge, because of the way their talk is starting. It's put him immediately on the back foot, having to explain himself, to justify his choices made under pressure. It's especially worse when he knows that, when Zazie first told him about JuLai, he blanked out over it for a good moment or two. He could barely comprehend what he was being told, meaning that he knows there's a high likelihood of what he remembers not being exactly the exact words Zazie told him. It's very possible. To err is human, etc.

But is that what it's going to boil down to, he wonders? Semantics? It's like Vash thinks he...

...he takes a slow breath, closing his eyes for just a moment. Not to deliberately avoid Vash's gaze so much as to give himself a chance to cool off, not wanting to snap and say something he doesn't mean.

Then he opens his eyes again, leveling Vash with his full attention.]

Listen to me, Blondie. I answered you when you asked. I said that the city was destroyed. I said that. You asked me if people got out, if the city was evacuated, and I told you I didn't know because I don't know because I wasn't there.

I didn't think to tell you that it was specifically a burst of energy 'cause I didn't think that part mattered when I already said the whole damn city was destroyed. You put me on the spot. You get that, right? I didn't tell you the exact words Zazie said to me, sure, I'll own up to that. But if you're....implyin' I fudged details on purpose, then I dunno what to tell you.

[He sits back a little, and for a moment he looks...worn down.]

None of what I did was to hurt you. I don't fucking know how many more times I have to say it, or if you're just gonna keep believin' someone else's word over mine.

[oleaeuropaea]

Vash. [His words come out quick. Not sharp, but urgent. There's distance in nicknames, and he doesn't want to feel that distance right now.] My name. Please.

[In any case, it's an easy enough explanation, and one Vash is mostly willing to accept. Yet the fact that Wolfwood seems so angry at Vash for even asking... Should he feel guilty for assuming the worst?

Or maybe he should simply... explain.]

I don't know what to believe, Nick. I know you wouldn't try to hurt me. And I'm wiling to accept that you were trying to protect me but... [He chews on the inside of his cheek.] Now it leaves room for doubt, right? How much else are you going to hide to protect me?

I want to believe you wouldn't do that. I want to move on and be okay. But like I said. I just don't know anymore. So I have to ask.

[With that out of the way, though.]

I put a lot of pressure on you. And I can't imagine what it was like to be in your position. So if you say it wasn't on purpose, I'm willing to believe that.

[lupusxylem]

[He pauses, a little stunned by the sudden request. But, fine.]

...Vash.

[Now, he's looking down. Down at the floor between his feet, one ankle flesh and blood, the other cold steel.

How much else are you going to hide to protect me?]

I think...this was a pretty unique situation. Right?

[He's a little incredulous, actually. It shows in the way he shifts in his chair, like he can't quite believe it.]

Like. This is...shit. Shit that supposedly happens in the future. And, not that Zazie's got any reason to lie, but think about it for a sec. What if we get to that future and it turns out that ain't what happens at all? Do you think I could have known how I should react to bein' told somethin' like that, out of nowhere? And I'm sure by now you've had plenty'a time to think about it, and you prolly don't feel any better about knowin' what's comin'.

That's what's so...frustrating. It ain't "I need you to tell me x from now on", it's "I don't know if I can trust you to be honest with me ever again".

[He exhales on a rushed breath, shucking his fingers through the side of his hair.]

I know I've lied about shit before. About...what I was doin' back home. But I thought...didn't we talk about that? Is that what this is about?

[oleaeuropaea]

[At least Wolfwood allows that without a fight.]

... Thanks...

[He's spent the last few days beating himself up. denying himself his own needs. Right now he just wants to hear his own name a few times. It's not too much to ask, right?]

It has nothing to do with before, Nick. Because your and your past are in your hands. Telling me was your choice. [And isn't that what it all comes down to.] I didn't have a choice. You took it from me. That's why I don't know if I can trust you.

[he hangs his head, then shakes it.]

Knowing let me plan. It's not a perfect solution, but I know what I'm going to do next. And now I have a chance to save people. If you didn't tell me, none of that would be true.

[lupusxylem]

Okay, that's fine. But, like...

[He grits his teeth, his eyes darting for a moment.]

Answer me seriously. If you found out, say, that I somehow directed that landship straight into Hopeland, without lifting a finger to do anythin' to stop it, would you tell me that shit without question? You wouldn't have stopped for a second and would have just told me cause it's my right to know?

[oleaeuropaea]

I won't pretend I wouldn't have hesitated.

[Vash lifts his head, meeting Wolfwood's eyes. For all his hesitation and dodging this evening, or perhaps overall, he looks more determined than ever in this moment.]

But I would have told you. Because Hopeland is important to you, in the same way those lives in JuLai are important to you. I would have told you, and then offered to help you find a way to stop it.

[lupusxylem]

[It really hurts. It makes him feel like he's unequivocally in the wrong for the decision he made, and that in the end, his attempt to spare Vash the horrific potential reality of what was to come was- in the end- bad. And for a very scary moment, he feels a sort of ugly sensation welling up inside of him, bubbling in his chest on the very cusp of coming out, and he knows if it does he'll start shouting again and there's a very real chance their relationship won't be recoverable at that point. He has to swallow it down, which actually manifests in him physically swallowing a couple of times to try to chase back the lump rising in his throat, because what Vash is seeing in real time are the results of a lot of actually trying to reflect on himself and his actions, on Wolfwood's part.

He's trying. It's just that he's not sure Vash sees it, and he doesn't know how to verbalize that.

So instead, he doesn't. He sits back and lets the hot wash of shame overwhelm him, settling in his face and burning behind his eyes, and he's thankful for his shades because they hopefully hide the way they definitely glass over. Suddenly he feels like everything he's said up to this point is an excuse, and he's just trying to skirt responsibility. Maybe that's not exactly it, but that's how it feels in this moment.]

I. I dunno.

[He finally breathes, his hands gripping the edges of his chair.]

Maybe. Maybe I was just bein' selfish. I care about you too much for my own good, so I wanted...I didn't want you to hurt. You will never...ever be the same as you were...before you knew.

I dunno. M'sorry.

[oleaeuropaea]

[For a very terrifying moment, Vash does feel like the shouting is about to start. His shoulders tense, and he waits for something to rise up. He doesn't expect the way the man leans forward. He doesn't expect to see the way he gives into emotion. It's a reminder that, for all of Vash's anger, and yes he's been incredibly angry, Wolfwood was trying to do the right thing in his own mind. It isn't an excuse. It's simply... reality.]

You wanted to protect me. I can... appreciate that, even if I don't agree with it.

[Suddenly, the distance between them feels monumental. And Vash... wants to change that. He shifts forward, settling on his knees in front of Wolfwood. he reaches out, upper sets of arms seeking out his partner's hands.][If Wolfwood will allow it, he lifts a hand to cradle it against his face.]

It's scary, sure. But what about what we've faced isn't?

[lupusxylem]

[If the distance between them feels monumental, it's because it is. Wolfwood is not...feeling great, at present, and there's a massive internal struggle going on between his desire to defend himself, and his desire to just blow up at Vash until he understands. His chest burns and his heart throbs between his ears, and when Vash comes forward to take his hands, he allows it but doesn't return the grip.

But when he reaches up to touch his face, he angles his head down, his brows knit together in an expression that's a little harder to parse. He didn't hear what Vash said in that last part, the words going in one ear and out the other, because instead of answering that he says:]

What I did...you think it was wrong. And now you don't trust me anymore.

Right?

[oleaeuropaea]

[Vash pulls back. He can see that he's pushing too hard, too fast. It smarts, but he can't blame Wolfwood for it. Instead, he sits back on his backside, gazing up at Wolfwood silently. He considers the question, turns it over in his head, before giving... something of a nod.]

I don't know that it's fully broken or just needs time. But what you did, I can't just... forget. I can acknowledge it was done with good intentions. But I won't pretend that it didn't do damage.

[Too many times has he swallowed his feelings. He has to be honest here, even if it terrifies him to do so.]

[lupusxylem]

[Wolfwood doesn't expect Vash to swallow his feelings, here. If anything, that's what they need to be doing. Speaking plainly, getting things out in the open between the two of them. Any other time they've fought or argued, it's not really ended in any constructive way, with Wolfwood literally kicking Vash out on his ass in one instance, or Vash bolting and not giving Wolfwood a chance to explain in another. So that is one thing they have going for them, here. They are talking. In some fashion, they are communicating.]

Yaknow. If I kept somethin' from you maliciously, then I'd be completely on your level in sayin' I've been the asshole here. And I get that you understand I didn't mean t'hurt you by keepin' this from you.

[He takes a breath, then tilts his head down so he can look at Vash over the rims of his glasses, directly with his eyes this time.]

But I still don't think you're bein' fair. Puttin' the onus of this one decision on bein' able to trust me from now on, after....everything we've been through. Makes me just wish I could somehow take it back, yaknow? Even if I know that, had I done it all over again...my choices wouldn't've changed.

I told Zazie that eveythin' woulda' been fine if they'd never shown up. If they'd never even told me what they knew, I wouldn't have had the knowledge to keep.

[His head tilts over, resting on one shoulder as if keeping it held up has become a herculean effort.]

You and I ain't on the same wavelength, Vash. Maybe that's why.