[It really hurts. It makes him feel like he's unequivocally in the wrong for the decision he made, and that in the end, his attempt to spare Vash the horrific potential reality of what was to come was- in the end- bad. And for a very scary moment, he feels a sort of ugly sensation welling up inside of him, bubbling in his chest on the very cusp of coming out, and he knows if it does he'll start shouting again and there's a very real chance their relationship won't be recoverable at that point. He has to swallow it down, which actually manifests in him physically swallowing a couple of times to try to chase back the lump rising in his throat, because what Vash is seeing in real time are the results of a lot of actually trying to reflect on himself and his actions, on Wolfwood's part.
He's trying. It's just that he's not sure Vash sees it, and he doesn't know how to verbalize that.
So instead, he doesn't. He sits back and lets the hot wash of shame overwhelm him, settling in his face and burning behind his eyes, and he's thankful for his shades because they hopefully hide the way they definitely glass over. Suddenly he feels like everything he's said up to this point is an excuse, and he's just trying to skirt responsibility. Maybe that's not exactly it, but that's how it feels in this moment.]
I. I dunno.
[He finally breathes, his hands gripping the edges of his chair.]
Maybe. Maybe I was just bein' selfish. I care about you too much for my own good, so I wanted...I didn't want you to hurt. You will never...ever be the same as you were...before you knew.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-07-01 02:33 am (UTC)He's trying. It's just that he's not sure Vash sees it, and he doesn't know how to verbalize that.
So instead, he doesn't. He sits back and lets the hot wash of shame overwhelm him, settling in his face and burning behind his eyes, and he's thankful for his shades because they hopefully hide the way they definitely glass over. Suddenly he feels like everything he's said up to this point is an excuse, and he's just trying to skirt responsibility. Maybe that's not exactly it, but that's how it feels in this moment.]
I. I dunno.
[He finally breathes, his hands gripping the edges of his chair.]
Maybe. Maybe I was just bein' selfish. I care about you too much for my own good, so I wanted...I didn't want you to hurt. You will never...ever be the same as you were...before you knew.
I dunno. M'sorry.